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Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.
-- Miguel de Unamuno (Spanish philosopher and writer)

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. A theologian is the one who finds it.

Linda Emery: A philosophy major? Now, what can you do with a philosophy major?
Bruce Lee: You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

(Dragon)

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats

The road to a friend's house is never long.
-- Danish proverb

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
-- Carol Leifer

Basing any to-be-correct life philosophy on one tiny alteration of your current life philosophy, that needed replacement as you've decided, is just bound to be a mistake.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it.

Practical philosophy: The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.

"Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy."
-- Richard M. Nixon

I must invent my own philosophical systems, or else be enslaved by other men's.
-- William Blake

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
-- T. S. Eliot

Accountant - someone who can put two and two together and make a living from it.

TP's 3rd Law: Any sufficiently advanced philosophical discourse is indistinguishable from bullshit.

-- TitanPoint

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy, but they were listening in gibberish.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

"Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man."
-- Francais Bacon

The Four Food Groups: Coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry.
Hence University education.

-- George Bernard Shaw

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.
-- Frank Zappa

"They were just sucked into space"
"Blown, sir"
"Sorry, Data"
"Common mistake, sir"

-- Riker and Data (Star Trek, The Naked Now)

Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.

-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)

"Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language."
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

"Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder."
-- Dr. Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche (On Reading and Writing)

Science fiction is an existential metaphor that allows us to tell stories about the human condition. Isaac Asimov once said, "Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinded critics and philosophers of today, but the core of science fiction, its essence, has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all."
(Stargate SG-1)

If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.
-- Albert Einstein

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The thing that I'm into is the philosophy of the music. I love the surprise of things, the accidents--just the sound of a word, to try to express them in the best way, so that the emotion is totally revealed."
-- Beth Gibbons

Give me books, French wine, fruit, fine weather and a little music out of doors, played by somebody I do not know.
-- John Keats

"My dream job? You mean, besides marrying a millionaire and writing porno scripts for laughs? I dunno, maybe be the madam of a brothel? Could be a lot of fun."
-- Amanda Firefox

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
-- Robert Frost

The writer is the engineer of the human soul.
-- Joseph Stalin

His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, `You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.'
-- Terry Pratchett

"Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success."
-- Christopher Lasch

Midnight. Sober and fully dressed. This sucks.
-- Kevin T. Keith

I am not a Christian myself. I fact I spend considerable effort trying to debunk Christian superstition, particularly that which is used to justify killing and discriminating against gays. However, Jesus did have some interesting ideas. It's too bad Christians have given him such a bad reputation by association. Were he simply a philosopher, I think he would command greater respect generally, and more sensible respect by Christians.
-- Roedy Green

You use sex to express every emotion except love
-- Husbands and Wives

"The man who has no tincture of philosophy goes through life imprisoned in the prejudices derived from common sense, from the habitual beliefs of his age or nation, and from convictions which have grown up in his mind without the co-operation or consent of his deliberate reason."
-- Bertrand Russell

This is one of those episodes which makes you want to call up the screenwriter and ask to see their slash. `Cause you know they write it.
-- Rhipodon Society

"I like butter and the people who like butter."
-- Tori Amos (Dew Drop In Tour, June 12, 1996)

Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"

"I want a chocolate bar infused with nicotine that's got a creamy coffee center... And wrap it in porn."
(TheWax.com)

Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
-- Oscar Wilde

Reporter, n: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
-- Christopher Morley

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-- Dr. Seuss

"For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong."
-- H. L. Mencken

It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.

I pledge allegiance to the beer and kink
-- David Tennant (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqqa3v4vW6w&t=302)

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.
-- Anais Nin

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.
-- Abraham Kapla

Private faces in public places /
Are wiser and nicer /
Than public faces in private places.

-- W.H. Auden

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Rich Cook

I'm a daughter of a minister and I love chasing the dark. That which is hidden. I like licking it like ice cream.
-- Tori Amos

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
-- Cyril Connolly

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

'If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.'
-- Terry Pratchett (concerning popcorn, Moving Pictures)