100 hits
"The biggest disease today isn't leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted."-- Mother Theresa
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.-- Willa Cather
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.
'Impossible' tends to be an opinion rather than a fact.
The question is not so much whether there is life on Mars as whether it will continue to be possible to live on Earth.
There must be more to life than sitting there wondering if there is more to life.
The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.-- Tommy Smothers
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."-- Oscar Wilde
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
The music is the magic carpet that the other things take naps on.-- Tori Amos
Do unto others before they undo you.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
If I have seen further than other men, it is by stepping on their glasses.-- Michael Swaine
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
Most people deserve each other.
You think Oedipus had a problem--Adam was Eve's mother.
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
Descartes described how his father taught him how to swim by throwing him into the Seine: "I sink, therefore I swam."
I trusted him like a brother -- which is to say, not at all.
Who cares whether the glass is half full or half empty? Shouldn't the question be who's been drinking out of my glass?
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
"If you're one in a million, there are ten of you in New York."
The way some people find fault, you'd think there was a reward.
There's a nut loose on your keyboard.
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
In art, as in no other form of endeavor, there is meaning apart from success.-- Joseph Conrad
If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge
Answer the phone naked. Callers will hear it in your voice.
"Bother," said the Borg, "We've assimilated Pooh."
Is there no accounting for taste? There isn't even a budget for it.-- Sean Levy
"If hackers ran the world, there'd be no war. Lots of accidents, maybe."
"This site is intended for people over 18, but only because kids shoot each other if they hear the word 'fuck'."
There are three sorts of despots. There is the despot who tyrannizes over the body. There is the despot who tyrannizes over the soul. There is the despot who tyrannizes over the soul and body alike. The first is called the Prince. The second is called the Pope. The third is called the People.-- Oscar Wilde
Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery.
Proof by omission: The reader may easily supply the details. The other 253 cases are analogous.
There's an argument to be made that beneath every cynic there is a frustrated romantic. (Fringe)
If the pen is mightier than the sword then how can actions speak louder than words?
On going to war over religion:
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"
Humor is just another defense against the universe-- Mel Brooks
Can there be, when you think about it, a more improbable sentiment than 'Get fucked!'? We might as well snarl 'Make a lot of money!' or 'Have a nice day!'-- Bill Bryson (The Mother Tongue)
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.-- Arnold Bennett
The older I get, the more I think you ever learn is either further subtleties, or further distractions.
"When the people fear their government there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."-- Thomas Jefferson
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
"I'll fight for you, but I will not compete for you... There's a difference."
The more we disagree, the bigger the chance that at least one of us is right.
I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.-- Art Leo
"My work is much richer than my life."-- Tori Amos
"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity."
A day without a pun is a day without sunshine; there is gloom for improvement.
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."-- Ellen DeGeneres
I want to die like my grandfather, peaceful and in my sleep - not screaming like the other people in the car.
Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.-- Horace Walpole
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."-- Bertrand Russell
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not."-- H.L. Mencken
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
“How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.”-- Anais Nin
"A conservative is someone who admires radicals a century after they're dead."
"Ergotism is what you get if you overuse the word "therefore". Egotism on the other hand is a form of "I" strain."-- Paul Martin
"In each of us are places where we have never gone. Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them."-- Dr. Joyce Brothers
"People aren’t against you; they are for themselves."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light.
"Hmm, pleasant effect" thought God, and flipped it off and on a few times.
As the main says, it has yet to be proven intelligence has any survival value.
Whether it deserves some respect is another matter.
The more sane often call themselves insane to avoid others' judgement.
"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear..." she replied.
98% of us Americans are hard-working people. It's the other 2% that give us a bad reputation. Then again, we did elect them.
A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. A theologian is the one who finds it.
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.-- R. Clopton
I listen so that I may decipher the mystery of myself and become more whole.-- Richard Moss
"Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent."
We shame outselves for the sake of simplicity.
Insecurity is comparing our behind the scenes to others highlight reel.
Q: What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A: A deep C diva.
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."-- Theodore Rubin
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts — for support rather than illumination.-- Andrew Lang
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Just because you're not paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.-- The Register
There are two ways spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.-- Edith Wharton
Lecture, n: Where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.
There are multitudes in me. But not if I have to behave.
"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"