randomsearchproposestats
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"How else am I to get you to treat me like a man of weight and substance unless I act as morally perturbed and angst-ridden as everyone else in this room?"
-- Beast (X-Men comic)

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives."

(MST3K)

Talk to your kids about sex. Tell them just how absolutely incredible it really is.
(The Covert Comic)

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
-- David H. Comins

War on common sense - I think we actually won that one...

"Most men complacently accept 'knowledge' as 'truth.' They are sheep, ruled by fear."
-- Sydney Losstarot (Vagrant Story)

"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.

Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.

Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.

-- Mike Adams

In the past, men created witches; now they create mental patients.
-- Tom Szasz

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-- Terry Pratchett

Ever heard of .cshrc? That's a city in Bosnia. Right?
(Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of UNIX commands)

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."
-- Ziggy

"Until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will project our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective."
-- Stephen Covey

The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.
-- Randy K. Milholland (Something Positive Comic, 2001-10-30)

"The Ten Commandments contain 297 words. The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address contains 266 words. A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words."
(Atlanta Journal)

Intuition comes from experience, that experience comes from failure, and that failure comes from trying.
-- Paul Snively (Lambda the Ultimate weblog)

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
-- Woody Allen

There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
-- Deteriorata (from the National Lampoon Radio Dinner album)

"I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time, 'cause when you're standing oh so near, I kinda lose my mind."
-- The Cars

Men forget, but never forgive. Women forgive, but never forget.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
-- Abraham Lincoln

If you sat a million monkeys down at a million computers, they might just come up with a great... Oh wait... we're already doing that.
-- J.P. Styskal

Violets are Blue,
roses are Red.
We're Coming Aboard,
prepare to Eat Lead.

-- Rapp Scallion (Monkey Island)