155 hits
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.-- Paul Biron
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.-- Erica Jong
Rehab is for quitters.
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.-- Eric Hoffer
Is there no accounting for taste? There isn't even a budget for it.-- Sean Levy
Ah, twitter, where people will be deeply outraged for one to six hours, before forgetting forever.
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."-- Eric Hoffer
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame.-- Erica Jong
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
"When people are bored, it is primarily with their own selves that they are bored."-- Eric Hoffer
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."-- Eric Hoffer
"Grand ennui" sounds so much nicer than "annoyance."-- Eric P. Scott
You're probably the sort who would have Dorothy arrested for throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West.-- Eric Holeman
Catapult: device for throwing cats long distances.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.-- Susan Ertz
"I'll take Fucking Clues for $200."
Except for bunnies.-- Anya
"Microsoft is not the problem. Microsoft is the symptom."-- Eric S. Raymond
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.-- Arnold Glasgow
We ignore truths for temporary happiness
For most mothers, day care is a problem. I'm looking for night care, too.-- Cathy Crimmins
A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. A theologian is the one who finds it.
"...the only place for 63,000 bugs is a rain forest"
A winning formula can be obliterated simply by the change to an ingorant new manager.
"You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone."-- John Ciardi
The reward for a job well done is more work.
Elbonics, n: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"I'll fight for you, but I will not compete for you... There's a difference."
We shame outselves for the sake of simplicity.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.-- Bertrand Russell
Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no, and yes, and no, and yes....
The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.-- Eden Phillpots
Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he would spend two years campaigning and organizing for it should not be trusted with the office.
"The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness."-- Eric Sevareid
Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."-- Woody Allen
"Conviction is a luxury for those on the sidelines."
Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you.
"People aren’t against you; they are for themselves."
Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
It's only fun if you can get in trouble for doing it.
"If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In." (Song Title)
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
"I always say it was great for God to send his only son, but I'm waiting for him to send his only daughter. Then things will be really great."-- Candace Pert
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.
Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods. They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.-- Oscar Wilde
The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.-- Robert Pirsig
"*snort* I'm waiting for the day when people realise that mainstream is a subset of SF without the speculation..."-- Emmet O'Brien
Antisocial arrogance is only for those of us who deserve it.
Headline: Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Never underestimate the human capacity for cognitive dissonance.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.
All I ask for is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."-- Hunter S. Thompson
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.-- Alexander Woollcott
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.-- Mae West
X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.-- Erik Fair
Dot: Do you think Scratchy'd like some cologne?
Fifi: We have "Obsession", "Repression", and "Ecstacy".
Dot: Do you have anything for beginners? (Animaniacs; Survey Ladies)
A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.-- Lazarus Long
Argue not with Dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well with cheese.
I am two fools, I know, For loving, and for saying so in whining poetry.-- John Donne
It is better to be hated for what one is than loved for what one is not.-- Andre Gide
Pigslice, n: The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone is secretly dying for.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
Insofar as possible, I surround myself with pleasant, tolerant, intelligent people. Life's too short to spend it with people who don't like what you are.-- Eric Holeman
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.-- Steven Wright
There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.-- Erich Fromm
Conservative: a man who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
Religion is for people afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed."-- Mark Twain
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.-- Dorothy Parker
If God had meant for us to go around naked we would have been born that way.
If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge
Sleep is for wimps. Happy, healthy, well-rested wimps, but wimps nonetheless.
"Suffering for your art is most definitely overrated but I do get a certain, I don't know, satisfaction from being able to deal with my paranoia and insecurity."-- Beth Gibbons
A day without a pun is a day without sunshine; there is gloom for improvement.
"No, 'Eureka' is Greek for 'This bath is too hot.'"-- Dr. Who
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
Pedestrian, n: The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
Religion often gets credit for curing rascals when old age is the real medicine.
If it wasn't for the optimist the pessimist would never know how happy he isn't.
I'll say it again for the logic impaired.-- Larry Wall
Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.-- Morticia Adams
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.-- Evelyn Waugh
"Are you queer? Maybe just for tonight? 20 minutes? You don't have to be conscious."
Piety, n: Reverence for the Supreme Being, based on His supposed resemblance to man.
In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.-- Oscar Wilde
Daria: I believe in coffee, coffee for everyone. But I don't want to sell chocolate anymore. It makes me feel dirty.
Jane: The bad kind of dirty. (Daria)
Politicians should be changed frequently, like diapers - and for much the same reason.
Revolutionary movements attract those who are not good enough for established institutions as well as those who are too good for them.-- George Bernard Shaw
Men forget, but never forgive. Women forgive, but never forget.
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."-- Maugham
“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”-- Thomas Merton
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!-- Ashleigh Brilliant
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
If god meant for us to program, he's a sadist.-- Rob Earhart
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff.-- Peter de Vries
VB is very useful for allowing non programmers to prove they cant program.-- Druck
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.-- R. Clopton
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.-- Adolf Hitler
My notion of a husband at forty is that a woman should be able to change him, like a bank note, for two twenties.
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."-- Cyril Connolly
"News" is just the stuff they use to fill up all the empty space they couldn't sell for advertising.
I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.-- Fran Lebowitz
Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
"Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it wont be allowed."-- Mark Twain
Lust comes at first sight, love comes after staring at the same person for elongated periods of time.-- lj user slvrstarlight
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.-- Don Marquis
Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more.-- Oscar Wilde
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."-- Terry Pratchett
Decafalon, n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.-- Francis Bacon
Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there.
Notice in a hotel lobby in Bucharest:
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good."
-- Vaclav Havel
"It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."-- Fred Adler
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.-- Elayne Boosler