539 hits
"Que sera, seratonin! (Meep.)"-- Mercy
Maybe cybergoths are just cyberpunks who get laid.-- Sourcerer
"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt."-- Herbert Hoover
Never moon a werewolf.
"God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier."-- Bumper sticker
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together-- Herbert Prochnow
Never try to lick a glacier.
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."-- Eric Hoffer
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.-- Eric Hoffer
What is dignity without honesty?-- Cicero
Hermits have no peer pressure.
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."-- Eric Hoffer
ERROR: Hit any user to continue
Most people deserve each other.
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.-- Willa Cather
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Be the person you needed when you were younger.
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?"-- Bumper sticker
"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"-- Bumper sticker
"I find imperfection the most interesting thing about a person"-- Jodi Foster
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.-- Will Rogers
"When people are bored, it is primarily with their own selves that they are bored."-- Eric Hoffer
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, haberdashers don't haberdash, hammers don't ham, and humdingers don't humding.-- Richard Lederer (Crazy English)
Much learning does not teach understanding.-- Heraclitus
Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
Rehab is for quitters.
"The biggest disease today isn't leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted."-- Mother Theresa
Never underestimate the falseness of a generalisation.
"Fast, fat computers breed slow, lazy programmers."-- Robert Hummel
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.-- Albert Einstein
Cat, n: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
"The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of Earth."-- Dogbert (Dilbert)
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."-- Robert Frost
Oh, soddit, blackmail is too much like work.-- Roger BW
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.-- Adolf Hitler
Aftermath, n: The period following algebra.
Headline: Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility.
"Indifference is isolation. In difference is texture and wonder."-- Edwin Schlossberg
"One person can trigger a million thoughts."
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
"When solving a kernel panic you must first ask yourself what you were doing that could possibly frighten an operating system."-- Peter van der Linden
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy."-- Robert Anthony
There must be more to life than sitting there wondering if there is more to life.
Most of us ask for advice when we know the answer but we want a different one.-- Ivern Ball
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.-- Jeremy S. Anderson
My karma ran over my dogma.
"The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action."-- Frank Herbert
"In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from."-- Peter Alexander Ustinov
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and she sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers.-- Dr. Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters.)
Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
A bit of tolerance is worth a megabyte of flaming.-- Henry Spencer
"When the people fear their government there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."-- Thomas Jefferson
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.-- Will Rogers
He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits.
The older I get, the more I think you ever learn is either further subtleties, or further distractions.
To err is human. And stupid.
Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.-- Dave Butler
"Grand ennui" sounds so much nicer than "annoyance."-- Eric P. Scott
Things will get better, despite our efforts to improve them.-- Will Rogers
"Unrequited love. It's fantastic! It never has to change, it never has to grow up, it never has to die."-- Vince Tyler (Queer as Folk)
"The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy."-- Louis Kronenberger
There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.-- Flannery O'Connor
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.-- Albert Einstein
Selfish, adj.: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.-- Ambrose Bierce
To be understood is a luxury.
Politics: strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.-- Ambrose Bierce
The loom works perfectly well without the steam powered wig darner and shortbread cutter stapled to the side.-- Peter da Silva
"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly."
The only good strategy is one that no one else understands.-- Tracy Kidder
"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists ... in the loved one, perfection."-- Sidney Poitier
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
"It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."-- Fred Adler
Men are all alike in their promises. It is only in their deeds that they differ.-- Moliere
It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.-- Jerome K. Jerome
Rhetorical subtlety doesn't work on people with the perceptive powers of an eggplant.-- Spencer Sun
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.-- George Bernard Shaw
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Guru, n: A computer owner who can read the manual.
The more things change, the more they stay insane.-- Tom Weller
"Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa."-- Dorothy Parker
I thought I was in love once, and then later I thought maybe it was just an inner-ear imbalance.-- Fraser (Due South)
Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.-- Terry Pratchett
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with RAISINS in it.-- Dorothy Parker
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.-- Henry Kissinger
You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.-- J.D. Salinger
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.-- Wernher von Braun
To err is human, to moo bovine.
Dad taught me everything I know, but he didn't teach me everything he knows.-- Al Unser Jr.
It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.-- Robert Park
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.-- Steven Feiner
Emacs is a good operating system, but I prefer Unix.
Eiffel Tower: The Empire State Building after taxes.
Headline: 'Two sisters reunited after eighteen years at checkout counter'
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."-- Dorothy Parker
I'm an apatheist. The question is no longer interesting, and the answer no longer matters.-- petro (a.s.r)
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.-- Alfred Adler
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.-- Alfred Adler
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.-- Edsger Dijkstra
Honk if you've slept with Riker.
Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only the relations of men to women, but the relation of women to themselves.-- John Berger
Headline: Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.-- George Bernard Shaw
I bet that 'Trouble with Tribbles' episode would have been different if Shatner had had a flame-thrower handy.-- R. M. Weiner
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.-- Erica Jong
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.
Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
"Not a Morning Person" doesn't even begin to cover it.
"Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them."-- Louis B. Nizer
Life may seem unfair, but Life never cheats the way people do.-- Stewart Kramer
Seeing is forgetting the name of that which one sees.-- Paul Valery
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.-- Laurance J. Peter
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.-- Robert A. Heinlein
"The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance."-- Robert R. Coveyou
"Good old days: Beer foamed and drinking water didn't."
"That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all."
Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery.
Only a monomaniac gets what we commonly refer to as results.-- Albert Einstein
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith
"Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month."-- Wernher von Braun
"Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little order, will lose both, and deserve neither."-- Thomas Jefferson
Music Teacher's Door: "Out Chopin"
Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
Headline: Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
I'm not a perfectionist. That would be a character flaw.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.
Your powers are useless, I'm wearing tin foil underwear!
"What's reality anyway? Nothing but a collective hunch."-- Jane Wagner
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.-- Dorothy Parker
The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony #9.-- Erwin Dietrich
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.-- Jean Kerr
If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.-- Laurence J. Peter
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.-- Albert Einstein
Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.-- Ambrose Bierce
Reconsider, v: To seek a justification for a decision already made.-- Ambrose Bierce
Magrat shivered. She told herself that a witch had absolute control over her own body, and the goosepimples under her thin nightdress were just a figment of her own imagination. The trouble was, she had an excellent imagination.-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.-- Albert Camus
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
Every time I have to pipe something into awk I get this mental picture of a big fat seagull with stdin connected at the wrong end.-- Arther van der Harg (a.s.r.)
Well, there's a quantum computer that can factor [the number] 15, so those of you using 4-bit RSA should worry.-- Bruce Schneier
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.-- Roger Noe
"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Become a Librarian."
Our hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all religions come from that hope.-- Robert Green Ingersoll
ADAPTABILITY:
Excellent: Walks on water
Good: Walks on water in emergencies
Average: Washes with water
Fair: Drinks water
Poor: Passes water in emergencies
"I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough."-- M. C. Escher
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Whenever you fall, pick someone up.
"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."-- G. K. Chesterton
The haunting fragrance of her mysterious perfume lingered with me long after the blinding sting of her pepper spray had faded.-- Nick DeCamp
Real Programmers never work from 9 to 5. If any real programmer is around at 9 a.m., it's because they were up all night.-- Some computer geek
Rational, adj: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.-- Ambrose Bierce
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."-- Gilda Radner
"It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?"
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame.-- Erica Jong
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.-- Albert Einstein
Few people are successful unless a lot of other people want them to be.-- Charles Brower
Q: What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A: A deep C diva.
Reporter, n: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.-- Ambrose Bierce
Do unto others before they undo you.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Answer the phone naked. Callers will hear it in your voice.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
One can overstate anything. Your advertising depends on it.
There's old proverbs to suit about anything you want to do.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired-- Robert Frost
Teacher's First Law of Grading Lab Papers: If an experiment has perfect results, the student has cheated.
X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.-- Erik Fair
They call television a medium. That is because it is neither rare nor well done.-- Ernie Kovacs
"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground."-- Thomas Jefferson
"In each of us are places where we have never gone. Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them."-- Dr. Joyce Brothers
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little."-- Porterfield
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.-- Ambrose Bierce
"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."-- R.S. Ingersoll
I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Especially Bob Dylan.-- Jim Rosenberg
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.-- Carol Leifer
But more frustrating are the ones who say "I could never / I would never." Let's be honest--you don't know. You don't know if you'll ever win a lottery, you don't know if you'll ever be in the position where you'll have to kill someone, you don't know if you'll ever fall in love with someone, anyone, regardless of gender.-- Elf Sternberg
As far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.-- Bertrand Russell
All goverments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathalogical personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted.-- Frank Herbert
"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it."-- Wendell Berry
Don't you think that with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually COULD lead a horse to water AND make it drink?-- Andy Overman
There's a nut loose on your keyboard.
"Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them."
"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."-- G. K. Chesterton
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.-- George Bernard Shaw
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir.'-- Joan Rivers
If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Imagination, n: A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.-- Ambrose Bierce
"Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven't yet figured out how to ask."-- Fox Mulder (The X Files)
"If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual."-- Frank Herbert
America was founded by drug smugglers -- rum was the drug, but smugglers nonetheless.
You can be a professional without being constipated about it.-- David Keyser
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."-- Oscar Wilde
"I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah."-- Sandra Hereld
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?-- Will Rogers
"Make lots of money", "enjoy the work", "operate within the law": choose 2-- Brian Anderson
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.-- Robert Frost
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
We accept the love we think we deserve
If the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie, it might be amor�, but I'd be more worried about the interplanetary gravitational effects from this cataclysmic event.-- Paul Paternoster
"Loved by some, accepted by others and misunderstood by most."
"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."-- Jane Siberry
It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.-- Robert Bly
What is inconceivable about the universe is that it is at all conceivable.-- Albert Einstein
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.-- Lucille S. Harper
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.-- Albert Einstein
They say that every man has a price at which he'll do anything. I like to think it's the other way around; every man has a line, a line he won't cross over, no matter what the cost.-- Fraser Sr. (Due South)
Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.-- Isaac Bashevis Singer
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.-- Helen Keller
"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have."-- Don Herold
"When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home."-- Erma Bombeck
Men forget, but never forgive. Women forgive, but never forget.
There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.-- Erich Fromm
Lust comes at first sight, love comes after staring at the same person for elongated periods of time.-- lj user slvrstarlight
"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."-- Jack Wagner
In case of emergency, speak in cliches.
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.-- Elbert Hubbard
You see, the conditional modifers depend on certain variables like the day of the week, the number of players, chair positions, things like that. [...] There can't be more than a dozen or two that are pertinent.-- Robert Asprin ("Little Myth Marker")
Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer. (Clerks)
At the beginning and at the end of love, the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.-- La Bruyere
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.-- Albert Einstein
"Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work."-- Clive Barker
If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.-- Perry Farrell
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.-- Emerson
Lost: gray and white female cat. Answers to electric can opener.
Never underestimate the human capacity for cognitive dissonance.
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
"A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity."-- Robert Frost
Brain, n: The apparatus with which we think that we think.-- Ambrose Bierce
A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.-- Elbert Hubbard
"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals."-- Henry Spencer
Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.-- Ambrose Bierce
"Writers aren't exactly people...they're a whole lot of people trying to be one person."-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
"I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better."-- G. C. Lichtenberg
Imagine a stegosaurus wearing rocket powered roller skates, and you'll get a fair idea of its elegance, stability and ease of crash recovery.-- Lionel Lauer
Adult, n: One old enough to know better.
Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
"Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers."
Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.-- Potter Stewart
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?-- Albert Einstein
It swims through a sublogical fantasy world where there are no rules that can't be violated by the set designer, where everybody is really thin and beautiful and wears really cool clothes, and where death is everywhere.-- Stephen Hunter (The Washington Post, review of 'The Cell')
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.-- Susan Ertz
"O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?"-- Dante Alighieri
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.-- A. H. Weiler
"I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy."-- Bern Williams
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.-- George Bernard Shaw
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."-- Bertrand Russell
Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.-- Pete Seeger
Don't you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.-- Terry Pratchett
You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.-- Elbert Hubbard
Enjoy yourself. If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.-- Jack Schaefer
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.-- Albert Einstein
Reason, v.i: To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.-- Ambrose Bierce
Lies, damned lies and user documentation.
Please storyteller, pull a tale from your pocket,
Spin me a story from your coat-tails so bare,
For my heart has turned cold, and my dreams are too old,
And I need to know the magic's still there-- Heather Alexander (Storyteller)
I like Frenchmen very much, because even when they insult you they do it so nicely.-- Josephine Baker
Please... there is a 'u' after every 'q' in French. (Well, almost; the exceptions are 'cinq', 'iraqien', 'coq'--five Iraqi cocks.)-- Frederic Maffray
"He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was make things go splat."-- Terry Pratchett (Reaper Man)
"Microsoft is not the problem. Microsoft is the symptom."-- Eric S. Raymond
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.-- Robert Benchley
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."-- Terry Pratchett
Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well-mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.-- Robert A. Heinlein
"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."-- Anne Lindbergh
High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.-- Christopher Morley
There's an argument to be made that beneath every cynic there is a frustrated romantic. (Fringe)
There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users.'-- Edward Tufte
"Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems."-- Homer Simpson
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.-- Albert Einstein
"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."-- George Bernard Shaw
"Everyone makes mistakes. It is what you do afterwards that counts."
Hartley's second law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer `yes' without having asked any clear question.-- Albert Camus
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.-- Bertrand Russell
The BeOS takes the best features from the major operating systems. It's got the power and flexibility of Unix, the interface and ease of use of the MacOS, and Minesweeper from Windows.-- Tyler Riti
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."-- Ingrid Bergman
I try to make computers say things like "You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance".-- Terry Pratchett
May you get to Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead.-- Irish Proverb
"She who has the biggest sword gets to be the biggest bitch."-- Kymberli Morris
I don't like to spread gossip, but what else can you do with it?-- Sandy Hereld
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs.-- Tom Lehrer
The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck me as rather silly. I would rather use them to mimic something better.-- Edsger Dijkstra
The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation.-- George Bernard Shaw
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
Common sense: The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.-- Albert Einstein
"The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums."-- Peter De Vries
Just because you're not paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.-- The Register
Ad Nauseam: Commercials that make you puke.
Baby-sitter, n: A teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
"It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis."-- Dennis Miller
Maybe life is a grindstone; whether it polishes you or wears you down depends on what you're made of.-- Kay Fletcher
"Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."-- Henry Ward Beecher
"The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good."-- Robert Graves
"Here's a horrible thought: You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half the human race is even dumber than that..."
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.-- Chinese Proverb
Moral behavior is survival behavior above the individual level.-- Robert Heinlein
Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate.-- Mike Hermann
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"-- Jerry Seinfeld
Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture I am still confused, but on a higher level.-- Enrico Fermi
"As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart."-- Derek Jarman
The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.-- Ellery Queen
Nerb, n: a noun used as a verb. For example: ''They didn't language the proclamation very well''. nerb, nerbing, nerbed v. the act of using nouns as verbs in a sentence.-- Rich Hill
(A)bort (R)etry (T)oss computer across room?
Acute Angle: A very attractive early Briton.
God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time. (A coffee cup)
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.-- Mark Twain
Ah, twitter, where people will be deeply outraged for one to six hours, before forgetting forever.
In a cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."-- Ernest Hemingway
Love is like a fruit. It may look good, but you shouldn't bite in it until it's ripe.-- Nick Hertl
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.-- Dorothy Parker
"The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness."-- Eric Sevareid
The commercial availability of software to check spelling, grammar, and style does serve quite well as a form of stupidity tax.-- Amanda Walker
"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away."-- Barry Goldwater
"In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a therapist going to a therapist."-- Truman Capote
Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.-- Albert Einstein
"Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."-- Dorothy Parker
I'm sure we can arrange an academic scholarship for Detritus. Troll cheerleaers would be nice: 'Two... four.... er.. many... lots'.-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
"If hackers ran the world, there'd be no war. Lots of accidents, maybe."
[Perl] isn't a programming language, it's a thousand special case rules flying in close formation.-- Peter da Silva
We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.-- John Gardner
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.-- Robert A. Heinlein
"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear..." she replied.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.-- Elbert Hubbard
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."-- Walter Bagehot
Don't intterupt me when I'm talking to myself
Economics exists merely to employ economists.
Never only doubt or only believe your doubts.
Serving drinks on aircraft causes turbulence.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
"[The] human mind was like a compass. No matter how much you shook it up, no matter what happened to it, sooner or later it'd carry on pointing the same way."-- Terry Pratchett (Johnny and the Dead)
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.-- Albert Einstein
The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.-- Tommy Smothers
Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.-- Albert Einstein
Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
You're probably the sort who would have Dorothy arrested for throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West.-- Eric Holeman
There is a superstition in avoiding superstition.-- Francis Bacon
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.-- Samuel Butler
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, your're overdoing it.-- J. Jenkins
"The spam wars are about rendering email useless for unsolicited advertising before unsolicited advertising renders email useless for communication."-- Walter Dnes / Jeff Wynn
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
It's 3:30 A.M. Do you know where your mail is?
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
The door opened. It opened very slowly, and with the maximum amount of creak. Simple neglect wouldn't have caused that depth of groan; you'd need careful work with hot water over a period of weeks.-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be lived. (Dexter)
Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Uhh, yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?
"Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief."-- Arthur Schnitzler
To be modest is to understand oneself as being capable of all men's weaknesses.-- Bernard of Clairvaux
Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading: The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the number of times you have looked at it.
"Well, let's just say, 'if your VCR is still blinking 12:00,you don't want Linux'".-- Bruce Perens
All animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.-- Samuel Butler
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.-- Kierkegaard
"Goldilocks is about property rights. Little Red Riding Hood is a tale of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism."-- Bernard J. Hibbits
"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands."-- Alexander Penney
In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.-- Oscar Wilde
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief, is more powerful in the mature than in the young.-- W. Somerset Maugham
Arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you accidentally walk through a spider web.
To some extent any use of language (and conceptual categories) distorts reality by coercing instances into types.-- Rob Bernardo
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."-- Ellen DeGeneres
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.-- Elayne Boosler
Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education.-- Bertrand Russell
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Law of Hydrodynamics: When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
"I don't know who Jim Henson is but I've heard he has his hand in a lot of things around here."-- Kermit the Frog (in 1972)
A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startled us.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."-- Umberto Eco
These lovers of esoterica seem to derive a great deal of intellectual satisfaction out of not quite understanding what they are doing.
Quality without creativity is pompous;
Creativity without quality is infantile.-- John Cerruti
Seattle reminds me a lot of London, where people will drink 12 beers but they never act drunk. Which makes you wonder what the point is of drinking 12 beers, if you're not going to put the lampshade on your head. You're killing your liver and still having no fun.-- Peter Bagge
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
"I'll fight for you, but I will not compete for you... There's a difference."
"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion-- Ambrose Bierce
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.-- J. Pierpoint Morgan
"I met a lady in the meads
Full beautiful, a faery's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild."-- Keats
The singing wasn't particularly good. The only word the singer appeared to know was "la," but she was making it work hard.-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."-- Hunter S. Thompson
"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards."-- Soren F. Petersen
"Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation."-- Fox Mulder (The X-Files)
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.-- Robert Frost
Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.-- James Thurber
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.-- Steve VanDevender
The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
"A conservative is someone who admires radicals a century after they're dead."
It seems more people are bitten by new yorkers per year than by sharks.
More to the point, new yorkers can be anywhere, not being limited by water. Fear them.
Bagdikian's Observation:
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew Passion' on a ukelele.
As the main says, it has yet to be proven intelligence has any survival value.
Whether it deserves some respect is another matter.
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."-- Harvey Fierstein
"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
"It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends."-- Dorothy Parker
He believes in the fine arts with all the earnestness of a man who does not understand them.-- George Bernard Shaw
The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield.-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.-- Rod Serling
"The imposition of stigma is the commonest form of violence used in democratic societies."-- R. A. Pinker
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Bother," said the Borg, "We've assimilated Pooh."
A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.
Adultery - two wrong people doing the right thing.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
If the mind were exercised as much as the mouth, we would be a race of geniuses.
The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.-- Anais Nin
That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
The guests giggled, and floated down to the bottom of the garden to inspect the herbaceous borders, and snatch a quick snog before the crudities.-- Stephen Foster
Unfortunately, there are like five people in the world who understand the X keyboard model--I'm not one of them--and three are insane. It's that bad.-- Tim Showalter
History, n. An account, mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.-- Ambrose Bierce
Reasonable, adj: Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.-- Ambrose Bierce
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.-- Dorothy Parker