212 hits
"We're not exploiting women. We're exploiting middle-aged men with credit cards." (on porn)
Fanfiction is just fixing things in post-post-production
Whoever said women don't like porn just isn't talking to the right women. Or showing them the right porn.
"I want a chocolate bar infused with nicotine that's got a creamy coffee center... And wrap it in porn." (TheWax.com)
"I became insane, with long instances of horrible sanity."-- Edgar Allen Poe
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.-- Gloria Leonard
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.-- Edgar Allan Poe
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.-- Paul Biron
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."-- Edgar Allen Poe
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little."-- Porterfield
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
Life is too short not to be horny on main
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?-- Paul Simon
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Never moon a werewolf.
On a toilet door: "Q2P"
Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.-- Oscar Wilde
The sweetest of all sounds is praise.-- Xenophon
VB is very useful for allowing non programmers to prove they cant program.-- Druck
"It's been reported that John Bobbitt's porno movie grossed over 10 million. I'm not sure whether that's dollars or people."-- Conan O'Brien
A troll is someone who, finding that no-one likes them, decides to pretend that it's on purpose.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
War on common sense - I think we actually won that one...
"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."
Rhetorical subtlety doesn't work on people with the perceptive powers of an eggplant.-- Spencer Sun
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.
Subduction leads to orogeny!
"One person can trigger a million thoughts."
I plead contemporary insanity.
Manners are one of the truly lost causes.-- John Simon
"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."-- G. K. Chesterton
The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure.-- Lyndon B Johnson
"A cult is a religion with no political power."-- Tom Wolfe
There is a superstition in avoiding superstition.-- Francis Bacon
The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me.-- Sloan Wilson
In order to become the master the politician poses as the servant.-- Charles De Gaulle
Dead men tell no tales, but then, neither do mimes.-- Wade Kwon
Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo!
Motrin and espresso. The breakfast of champions.-- Sweet Poly
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?-- Marilyn Pittman
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.-- Horngren
"Conviction is a luxury for those on the sidelines."
Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
"The laws of probability, so true in general, so fallacious in particular."-- Edward Gibbon
Nothing true is popular, and nothing popular is true.
Bathquake, n: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
It's summer and some people head for the woods.
Canoe wild streams to show they've got the goods,
Hiking and biking and running outdoors;
I think I'll just go out and lie on my porch.
Give me two pillows and a bottle of Pabst.
I once was a traveller, but my interest lapsed;
I went thousands of miles, natives to see
They were sitting on porches, laughing at me.-- Garrison Keillor
"My dream job? You mean, besides marrying a millionaire and writing porno scripts for laughs? I dunno, maybe be the madam of a brothel? Could be a lot of fun."-- Amanda Firefox
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
To my opinion, most modern poetry is written because people do not want to stand up and fight for what they are writing about.
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.-- R. Clopton
If I can make just one person laugh, then it must've been a pretty good eulogy.-- Wade Kwon
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.-- Earl Wilson
"The problem with post-modernism is that you like it more if you're innumerate or illiterate; both is best."-- Graydon
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.-- Samuel Johnson
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
There's a nut loose on your keyboard.
The revolution will NOT be televised.
"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Become a Librarian."
The question is not so much whether there is life on Mars as whether it will continue to be possible to live on Earth.
"Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems."-- Homer Simpson
"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."-- Richard Nixon
"What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?"-- Richard Nixon
On an American Airlines package of nuts: Instructions: Open package, eat nuts.
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.-- Plato
"Don't apply a Star Trek solution to a Babylon 5 problem."
Domestication is the enemy of romance.
Procrastination will rule one day, OK?
BASIC, n.:
A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
'It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.'-- Jackie Mason
This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings.
Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?
"[The] human mind was like a compass. No matter how much you shook it up, no matter what happened to it, sooner or later it'd carry on pointing the same way."-- Terry Pratchett (Johnny and the Dead)
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.-- Don Marquis
'Be yourself' is about the worst advice you can give to people.-- Tom Masson
"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists ... in the loved one, perfection."-- Sidney Poitier
After 16 years, MTV has finally completed its de-evolution into the shiny things network.-- The Onion
We ignore truths for temporary happiness
"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read."-- Winston Churchill
The two most common elements in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.-- Harlan Ellison
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
A BBC correspondent, reporting on plans to build a McDonalds amidst ancient Roman ruins: 'To really get into the spirit of Pompeii, the restaurant would have to be buried in volcanic ash. And if you ask me, that's not a bad idea.'
I have a 3 year old. He'll have filtering software on his machine until he's at least thirteen or until he figures out how to disable it. If he's savvy enough to outgeek his dad who's been geeking for over 20 years more than him, then he deserves his porn.-- Alex Johns
Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. (As it is statistically much more likely to get struck by lightning than win the lottery)
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."-- Thomas A. Edison
Friendship is Love without its wings. (l'Amiti� est l'amour sans ailes.)-- Lord Byron
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.-- Emerson
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.-- Doug Larson
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-- Dave Edison
"We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away."-- Chuang Tzu
Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.-- Potter Stewart
"Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month."-- Wernher von Braun
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is nothing like Shakespeare.-- Blair Houghton
"Improvised be damned! I thought of it this morning in my bath and I wish now I hadn't wasted it on this little crowd."-- Winston Churchill
I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.-- John Cleese
I'm sick of tattoos, sick of piercings, sick of temporary tattoos. They are the white stilettos of the '90s.-- Shirley Manson
Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
A little knowledge may be a dangerous thing, but a little carnal knowledge rules.-- Wade Kwon
Serving drinks on aircraft causes turbulence.
"Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective."
"If we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time."-- Edith Wharton
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Machine learning, n: Automation of your biases
The skin of civilization is only 7 meals thick
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
"If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus on programming as a source of ideas."-- Harold Abelson
Wreckless Driving -- You'd think that would be a good thing.-- Chris Sampson
"Public opinion sets bounds to every government, and is the real sovereign in every free one."-- James Madison
The greatest possible mint of style is to make the words absolutely disappear into the thought.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
Be the person you needed when you were younger.
I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.-- Orson Welles
"Our country was founded on a distrust of government. Our founding fathers gave power to the people to keep an eye on government. So when politicians say "Trust me" they're actually being very unamerican."-- David Duchovny (X Files)
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.-- Earl Wilson
"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."-- G. K. Chesterton
"Make lots of money", "enjoy the work", "operate within the law": choose 2-- Brian Anderson
In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.-- J. von Neumann
"There comes a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."-- Doug Larson
"What makes resisting temptation difficult, for many people, is that they don't want to discourage it completely."-- Franklin P. Jones
"Bother," said the Borg, "We've assimilated Pooh."
"Psychoanalysis is confession without absolution."
A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.
Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.
"All dogmas perish the thinking mind, especially ones you agree with."-- Adam Richardson
"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's this day-to-day living that wears you out."-- Anton Chekhov
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.-- Adlai Stevenson
Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate.-- Mike Hermann
"Reminds me of a humorous sf story I read a few years back where an amoeboid alien escaped punishment this way (it was guilty of selling pornographic pictures to earthly biologists who used them to illustrate mitosis in their textbooks). Both the resulting individuals claimed innocence, and pointed out that they were underage."
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
What is the nature of God? His nature is entirely dependent upon the age or culture that has reinvented him.-- Solomon Skink
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.-- Dick Brandon
"Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man."-- Francais Bacon
"No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved."-- Mignon McLaughlin
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.-- Benjamin Dana
Headline: Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
I think it's adorable that our fans call me Shirl. It's preferrable to asshole.-- Shirley Manson
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have."-- Don Herold
We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts.-- Harold Nicolson
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
"Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders."-- Sloan Wilson
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.-- Groucho Marx
"A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author."-- S. C. Johnson
Experience allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.-- Franklin P. Jones
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."-- Mark Twain
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.-- Wernher von Braun
"If angst were a popsicle, I'd be suckin' the stick."
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Headline: Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
Music soothes the savage beast. ...unless it's polka.
Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
It swims through a sublogical fantasy world where there are no rules that can't be violated by the set designer, where everybody is really thin and beautiful and wears really cool clothes, and where death is everywhere.-- Stephen Hunter (The Washington Post, review of 'The Cell')
"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street."
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.-- Francis Bacon
'Truth' never set anyone free. It is only doubt which will bring mental emancipation.-- Anton LaVey
"Not a Morning Person" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.
Headline: Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.
Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
Secret, n: Something you tell to one person at a time.
They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.-- Francis Bacon
There are lots of things I'd like to be someday, but "normal" is definitely not one of them.-- Nelson Minar
Politics: Poly (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)
There are two ways spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.-- Edith Wharton
"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now."
"The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."-- Samuel Johnson
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.-- David Tyson Gentry
"Confronted with the choice, the American people would choose the policeman's truncheon over the anarchist's bomb.-- Spiro T. Agnew
Punctuation is important. There is a world of semantic difference between "Damn straight." and "Damn, straight."