187 hits
What are we to make of a system that blames us for failing to procreate while refusing us custody of our children? That perpetuates the myth that we are weaklings while denying us the right to serve in the military? That regards us as incapable of forming stable relationships while forbidding us to marry?-- Richard Goldstein (in the "Gay Life 1991" segment of The Village Voice)
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
"One good turn gets most of the blankets"
Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.-- Augustine
If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.-- Perry Farrell
I do not like the man: he has all of the virtues I detest and none of the vices I admire.-- Winston Churchill
Pedestrian, n: The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.-- Steven Wright
Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again?
Law of diminishing IQ:
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought"-- Basho
Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.-- Oscar Wilde
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?-- Paul Simon
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords.-- Alan Watts
"I am not part of the problem; I am a Republican."-- Dan Quayle
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.-- Plato
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."-- Stewart Brand
Lecture, n: Where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.
TCP_UP - The 16-bit TCP Urgent Pointer, encoded as the hex representation of the value of the field. The hex string MUST be capitalized since it is urgent. (RFC 3093)
He was just... well, like a lot of madmen. Somewhat accurate view of the problem, really insane view of the solution. (Kid Radd)
Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.-- Dandemis
"I wanted to make a little spot in the context of the record where there was this break in the action. In the midst of this buildup of these ever-growing, terrible machines, I just wanted to remember that there is somewhere... else."-- Trent Reznor
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith
I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears tower, but I can't talk my wife out of the bathroom or my daughter off the phone. (The Negotiator)
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. But you know most of them didn't get the joke in the first place, the lying weasels.-- Wade Kwon
Now, in the Overall Schema Of The Universe, I would imagine that this sort of thing ranks somewhere down around gnat's eyelashes.-- George Madison
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have trained for years and years can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."-- Mark Twain
"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." (Calvin & Hobbes)
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
Accuracy, n: The vice of being right.
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.-- Henry Kissinger
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
Manners are one of the truly lost causes.-- John Simon
Mustard: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.
Mustard: That's right! (Clue)
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."-- Mark Twain
"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."-- Tori Amos
If we couldn't laugh at things that didn't make sense,
we couldn't react to a lot of the world around us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.-- Andy Rooney
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"-- Bumper sticker
In the beginning was the word, and the word was "aardvark".
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.-- Benjamin Dana
"The most merciful thing in the world...is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."-- H.P. Lovecraft
"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."-- Oscar Wilde
"Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex."-- Oscar Wilde
We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.-- Anais Nin
The Pet Principle:
No matter which side of the door your dog or cat is on, it is the wrong side.
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
The fact that I know I'm often a fool, but that I also have an IQ a fair bit over a hundred, scares me. What fools the rest of the world must be.
X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.-- Erik Fair
"Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief."-- Arthur Schnitzler
Of all the truths in the world, humor is the most satisfying and often the healthiest.
Stand and fight, you misbegotten spawn of the perverse breeding between a pixie and a squirrel!
Most children grow up to be adults in spite of their parents, not because of them.
Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, your're overdoing it.-- J. Jenkins
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
Gina: "Isn't it customary for the suspect to leave the scene of the crime?"
Debra: "Definitely an amateur" (Empire Records)
"I'm the Queen of the nerds. I love nerds- by which I mean, not a cool, bitchin' person. I guess I was a cool nerd. I wasn't shuffling my feet in the corner of the playground, I was the homecoming queen, but then, all the nerds voted for me."-- Tori Amos
Patience is something you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
Join the army: meet interesting people, then kill them.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.-- Solomon Short
"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to be insane in such a useful way that they can't commit you."-- Mark Edwards
"Television has lifted the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry."-- Nathalie Sarraute
One of the problems with learning that many teachers fail to see is that until you really understand something, any argument made out of that understanding context tends to be pretty useless.
"The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me."-- George Bernard Shaw
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.-- John Stuart Mill
"The thing that I'm into is the philosophy of the music. I love the surprise of things, the accidents--just the sound of a word, to try to express them in the best way, so that the emotion is totally revealed."-- Beth Gibbons
One of the main causes of trouble in the world is dogmatic and fanatical belief in some doctrine for which there is no adequate evidence.-- Bertrand Russell
Part of the difference of learning something by interest or necessity is how we file it, with what urgency, and how we think of it when we think of it again.
There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.-- Oscar Wilde
God must love assholes--she made so many of them.
Dragons are the living embodiment of power, purpose, and real estate devaluation.-- Marc Gabriele
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.-- Emerson
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.-- H. L. Mencken
He's come up with half of the algorithms used in the 20th century, but wouldn't actually recognize an actual computer if you dropped it on him.-- Jason Riek (about Dana Scott)
You're probably the sort who would have Dorothy arrested for throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West.-- Eric Holeman
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.-- Winston Churchill
"The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they will believe they are as clever as he."-- Karl Kraus
"Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society."-- John Adams
"You ever hear of the Spartans, Lewis? Ancient Greece...traditional enemies of the Athenians? They were a warrior society. I'll try to make it simple for you...they were Klingon." (The Rhipodon Society)
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.-- Gandhi
"Being a graduate student is like becoming all of the Seven Dwarves. In the beginning you're Dopey and Bashful. In the middle, you are usually sick (Sneezy), tired (Sleepy), and irritable (Grumpy). But at the end, they call you Doc, and then you're Happy."
Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.-- Mark Van Doren
"In corporate religions as in others, the heretic must be cast out not because of the probability that he is wrong but because of the possibility that he is right."-- Antony Jay
"Talents are best nurtured in solitude; character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world."-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.-- Carl Sagan
Do not go gentle into that good night... Rage, rage against the dying of the light.-- Dylan Thomas
Pedaeration, n: Achieving the perfect body heat by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."
-- Josh Billings
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.-- Confucius
When you dig straight down, you won't reach the other end of the earth. There's a couple of reasons:
-You will drown in the water.
-If you brought scuba gear, you will burn because the center of the earth is too hot.
-If you even thought of that and brought a portable black hole� with you, you'll become disoriented, partly due to gravity, and start digging in circles.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.-- Mae West
Spagmumps, n: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?', `Why do they die?', `Why do they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?' (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking that we have done so far, has created problems we cannot solve at the level of thinking at which we created them.-- Albert Einstein
Is not that the nature of men and women--that the pleasure is in the learning of each other?
Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.-- Kahlil Gibran
"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."-- Mark Twain
Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.-- Horace Walpole
Decafalon, n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
I'm sick of tattoos, sick of piercings, sick of temporary tattoos. They are the white stilettos of the '90s.-- Shirley Manson
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.-- Robert Benchley
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.-- Adlai Stevenson
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.-- Franz Kafka
The business of the mind is first and foremost the pure joy of knowing and comprehending, the pure joy of consciousness.-- Anais Nin
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.-- Plato
If the pen is mightier than the sword, what happens when you run out of ink?
"What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary."-- Richard Harkness
"The Hindenburg crash had 62 survivors and 35 fatalities. Of the 35 deaths, 27 resulting from jumping from the airship. Many of the remaining 8 deaths resulted from burns and injuries due to the ensuing diesel fuel fire."-- Dan Egnor
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.-- Woody Allen
Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.-- Steve Eastman
Adult: A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his or her option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
"In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact."-- Marlene Dietrich
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."-- Bertrand Russell
Unfortunately, there are like five people in the world who understand the X keyboard model--I'm not one of them--and three are insane. It's that bad.-- Tim Showalter
The water under the lid was inky black and, according to rumour, bottomless; the Ogg grandchildren were encouraged to believe that monsters from the dawn of time dwelt in its depths, since Nanny believed that a bit of thrilling and pointless terror was an essential ingredient of the magic of childhood.
In summer she used it as a beer cooler.-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
As long as the general population is passive, apathetic, diverted to consumerism or hatred of the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please, and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome.-- Noam Chomsky
What's wrong with being drunk in bed? Being drunk on the floor of the garage, I can understand someone objecting to. But drunk in bed?-- Brad DeLong
You can't remember the plot of the Dr. Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
"Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language."-- Ludwig Wittgenstein
Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.-- Thomas Jefferson
The unique operations of the (human) brain are the result of natural selection operating through the filter of culture. They have suspended us between the two antipodal ideals of nature and machine, forest and city, the natural and the artifactual, relentlessly seeking, in the words of geographer Yi-Fu Tuan, an equilibrium not of this world.-- Edward O. Wilson ("Biophilia")
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.-- Mark Twain
The default Magic Word, Abracadabra, actually is a corruption of the Hebrew phrase ha-Bracha dab'ra which means "pronounce the blessing".
Arithmetic: An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startled us.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The value of the Constitution depends on the good will of government itself. If the Supreme Court rules that the Bill of Rights should not interfere with the important business of government (which they have done on at least two occasions), then the Constitution is meaningless.-- John Kormylo
I find "Yes, you _can_ do it that way, but the rest of the Internet community will point at you and giggle", followed by my walking out in a flurry of RFCs, tends to be quite effective-- Tanuki the Raccoon-Dog (a.s.r.)
Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table.-- The Anarchist Cookbook
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all--the apathy of human beings.-- Helen Keller
"Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones."-- Phillips Brooks
"God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyll and Hyde of sacred romance."-- Mark Twain
Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the living shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is possible to believe that all the past is but the beginning of a beginning, and that all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. It is possible to believe that all the human mind has ever accomplished is but the dream before the awakening.-- H.G. Wells
"I don't know who Jim Henson is but I've heard he has his hand in a lot of things around here."-- Kermit the Frog (in 1972)
"Evangelists say Halloween is the devil's holiday. What a lame-ass devil! Sitting down in the depths of hell, going, 'I've got control of the major corporations, churning out weapons and toxic waste, but how can I get candy? Let me think--I'll get the children of the world to dress up as hobos and Power Rangers--and then I'll have all the bite-size Three Musketeers I need! Buhahaha!'"
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
The obvious mathematical breakthrough [to break modern encryption] would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers.-- Bill Gates (The Road Ahead)