126 hits
"I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time, 'cause when you're standing oh so near, I kinda lose my mind."-- The Cars
I want to die like my grandfather, peaceful and in my sleep - not screaming like the other people in the car.
The chance of a lifetime is to be yourself.
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
The principle difference between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do."-- Dale Carnegie
"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat."-- Mark Twain
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
We think in language, therefore the quality of our thoughts can only ever be as good as the quality of our language.-- George Carlin
The more we disagree, the bigger the chance that at least one of us is right.
Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.
"Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems."-- Homer Simpson
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.-- Gandhi
"Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much."
There are two ways spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.-- Edith Wharton
"Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly."-- Arnold Edinborough
"Success consists of doing the common things of life uncommonly well."
"Making the simple complicated is easy. Making the complicated simple is brilliant."
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.-- John Stuart Mill
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."-- Doug Larson
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
Even if you're paranoid, maybe the guy with the chainsaw really is after you.
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."-- Mark Twain
Those who do not remember history are doomed to sound silly.-- Carole Ashmore
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Steven Wright
As the cheetah said to the chameleon:
You can hide, but you can't run!-- Alan Williams
"Hey, Aeryn's gorgeous--she can change any guy's tune. She can also change 'im from tenor to soprano, but that's beside the point."-- Grace
"Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex."-- Oscar Wilde
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.-- Goethe
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."-- Mark Twain
A winning formula can be obliterated simply by the change to an ingorant new manager.
The course of true love never did run smooth.-- Shakespeare
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
"Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away."-- Goethe
Television: the bland leading the bland.
"Must... defy... laws... of... physics!"-- The Tick
"It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution."-- Oscar Wilde
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
Gina: "Isn't it customary for the suspect to leave the scene of the crime?"
Debra: "Definitely an amateur" (Empire Records)
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.-- Mike Adams
Talk to your kids about sex. Tell them just how absolutely incredible it really is. (The Covert Comic)
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.-- H. L. Mencken
Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved; the pig was committed.
Please do not duck the next time the clue-by-four swings your way.-- Ben Browning
In the beginning was the word, and the word was "aardvark".
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."-- Carl Gustav Jung
Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.-- Steve Eastman
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think. (Ladies' Home Journal)
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.-- Goethe
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.-- Harry S. Truman
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
In a church bulletin: The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.-- Kelvin Throop
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
Monday is the root of all evil.
The music is the magic carpet that the other things take naps on.-- Tori Amos
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
The law should make men free. The problem is making the law free.
In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.-- Carl Sagan
"The computer world is like a great big toy store. But all the toys are broken."-- Steve Witham
Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again.-- Goethe
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.-- Alfred Adler
"If you weren't Cindy Crawford, you didn`t get to ride in the little cart. I saw them take her off on a little cart, and I thought, 'I'm in the wrong profession!'"-- Tori Amos (Chicago Tribune, October 8, 1992)
Of all the truths in the world, humor is the most satisfying and often the healthiest.
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
"Confronted with the choice, the American people would choose the policeman's truncheon over the anarchist's bomb.-- Spiro T. Agnew
A little knowledge may be a dangerous thing, but a little carnal knowledge rules.-- Wade Kwon
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
"The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%"
"The imposition of stigma is the commonest form of violence used in democratic societies."-- R. A. Pinker
Erotica is stuff that's meant to be read with one hand.-- Carl Manz
"The country has charms only for those not obliged to stay there."-- Edouard Manet
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.-- Samuel Beckett
"Everything is convention, including law. When it is not the thought that led to the convention, but just the records of the convention that define morals, structural ethics are too dependant, and likely doomed."
"To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition."-- Albert Einstein
And the pickles frolicked with the waffles, joyously.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
"I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course - the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end."-- Douglas Adams
Beware the fury of a patient woman.
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
Common sense: The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.-- Albert Einstein
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.-- Dorothy Parker
"The Camden Aquarium, in defense of sharks, has a placard stating that the most lethal wild animal in the US is deer. (Their mode of attack is to stand in your headlights, and then launch their dead or crippled bodies through the windscreen into your lap)."
WARNING:
Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war.
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.-- Carl Sagan
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."-- Bertrand Russell
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
The future ain't what it used to be.
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.-- Aldous Huxley
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?-- Marilyn Pittman
The guests giggled, and floated down to the bottom of the garden to inspect the herbaceous borders, and snatch a quick snog before the crudities.-- Stephen Foster
See my big frustration here is that my main squeeze has turned out to be a Late Blooming Nerd, and is in the habit of (in the midst of cuddling) saying sweet things like "you think if I disable the caching it would work?"-- Ro Reid
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."-- Ben Franklin
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
"The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad."-- Friedrick Nietzsche
Accuracy, n: The vice of being right.
Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
The revolution will NOT be televised.