randomsearchproposestats
71 hits
"The computer world is like a great big toy store. But all the toys are broken."
-- Steve Witham
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.
-- Steve Wozniak
Accordion, n: A bagpipe with pleats.
If common sense was so common then everyone would have it.
-- Steve Giammarco
...people with a moebius strip of a mind...
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
"The first thing to remember about Unix is that nothing is ever spelled correctly."
-- Steve Lidie
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.
-- Steve VanDevender
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
-- Steven Wright
"A child prodigy is one with highly imaginative parents."
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
-- Steven Wright
Honk if you've slept with Riker.
You can't spell evil without vi.
If god dropped acid, would he see people?
-- Steven Wright
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright
Computer Science without FORTRAN and COBOL is like birthday cake without ketchup and mustard.
Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
A man without God is like a fish without a skateboard.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-- Steven Wright
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
-- Confucius
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright
All New: The software is not compatible with any previous version.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings. Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...
-- Steven Wright
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-- Steven Wright
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Cat, n: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-- Steven Wright
"You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."
(Gone With the Wind)
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
-- Steven Wright
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-- Adlai Stevenson
"Every man is afraid of something.That`s how you know he`s in love with you;when he is afraid of losing you"
Friendship is Love without its wings. (l'Amiti� est l'amour sans ailes.)
-- Lord Byron
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
-- Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
-- Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-- Steven Wright
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright
"Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite."
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright
Argue not with Dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well with cheese.
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
-- Sam Brown
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"Do no activate with wet hands"
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.
Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.
-- Steve Eastman
Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse.
While humans are very flexible creatures, we're born with a number of powerful instincts, which are found across all cultures. Chief amongst these are a dislike of snakes, a fear of falling, and a hatred of popup windows.

-- Steve Taylor
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
-- Adlai Stevenson
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
"Me, getting smart with you? How would you know?"
"Psychoanalysis is confession without absolution."
A day without a pun is a day without sunshine; there is gloom for improvement.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
There was never a saint with red hair.
(Russian proverb)
Ah! don't say that you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
-- Oscar Wilde
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Homer Simpson
You can't make a program without breaking some egos.
What is dignity without honesty?
-- Cicero
And the pickles frolicked with the waffles, joyously.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.

She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.
-- Jonathan Colan
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain