Quotes

39 hits

While humans are very flexible creatures, we're born with a number of powerful instincts, which are found across all cultures. Chief amongst these are a dislike of snakes, a fear of falling, and a hatred of popup windows.

-- Steve Taylor

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.
-- Steve Wozniak

If common sense was so common then everyone would have it.
-- Steve Giammarco

"The first thing to remember about Unix is that nothing is ever spelled correctly."
-- Steve Lidie

"The computer world is like a great big toy store. But all the toys are broken."
-- Steve Witham

When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)

Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.
-- Steve VanDevender

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
-- Steven Wright

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-- Steven Wright

There aren't enough days in the weekend.
-- Steven Wright

If god dropped acid, would he see people?
-- Steven Wright

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- Steven Wright

Glossofacilia: A tendency to use very large words to explain very small phenomena. Glossofacilia drives to complexify rather than simplify and is the natural instinct of reactionaries to an age of change.
-- Jim Taylor

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-- Steven Wright

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-- Steven Wright

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
-- Steven Wright

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-- Adlai Stevenson

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
-- Steven Wright

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
-- Steven Wright

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-- Steven Wright

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright

You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner

No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright

Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.
-- Steve Eastman

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
-- Adlai Stevenson

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings. Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...
-- Steven Wright

What a man knows at fifty that he didn't know at twenty is, for the most part, incommunicable.
-- Adlai Stevenson

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
-- Steven Wright

"I would rather believe that God did not exist than believe that He was indifferent."
-- George Sand

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
-- Steven Wright

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
-- Andre Gide

Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.

It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.
-- Blaise Pascal