Quotes

66 hits

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Rich Cook

Banectomy, n: The removal of bruises on a banana.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

You aren't appealing to my sense of voyeurism.
-- Stevie Ulrich

Chef, n.: Any cook who swears in French.

I love stress because it's a whole lot better than depression.
-- Drew Olbrich

Zipcuffed, adj: To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Sniglet, n: Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Rich Kulawiec

Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.

The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony #9.
-- Erwin Dietrich

"We have art in order not to die of the truth."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.
-- Erich Fromm

Spirtle, n: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Pigslice, n: The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone is secretly dying for.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Spagmumps, n: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Magnocartic, adj: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Elbonics, n: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Petonic (peh ton' ik), adj: One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Aquadextrous, adj: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact."
-- Marlene Dietrich

I need to get a life. I have a neat counselor though, which is, I guess a convenient substitute.
-- Stevie Ulrich

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Circumpopulate (sur kum pop' yew layt'), v: To finish off a popsicle "laterally" because the "frontal" approach causes one to gag.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Do just once what others say you can't do,
and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
-- James R. Cook

Table Snorkeling (tay' bul snawrk' ling), n: Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food and has to take in air to cool it off.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Bathquake, n: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Christianity poisoned Eros, but Eros did not die, it merely degenerated into a vice.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Many a man fails to become a thinker for the sole reason that his memory is too good.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Pedaeration, n: Achieving the perfect body heat by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

I don't understand men, women, sheep, grass, or computers. Understanding is for those too weak to handle confusion.
-- Stevie Ulrich

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"To describe the beating of Egg Whites is almost as cheeky as advising how to lead a happy life."
-- The Joy of Cooking

Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, people, and times, it is the rule.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh), n: The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche (On Reading and Writing)

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will he will be sure to repent it.
-- Socrates

Nerb, n: a noun used as a verb. For example: ''They didn't language the proclamation very well''. nerb, nerbing, nerbed v. the act of using nouns as verbs in a sentence.
-- Rich Hill

Squanderprint (skwan' duhr print), n: Directions that try to make you use up a product faster than you normally would. (Ex.: Apply shampoo. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Anticiparcellate (an ti si par' sel ate), v: Waiting until the mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail, so as not too appear too anxious.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

The fun with white chocolate macadamia nut cookies is telling which white fatty substance is which. I can't.

Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table.
-- The Anarchist Cookbook

'A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.'
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"Solutions are not the answer."
-- Richard Nixon

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell

"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."
-- Mark Twain

Real love stories never have endings.
-- Richard Bach

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
-- Dick Cavett

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.
-- Samuel Beckett

A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.
-- Max Weinreich

"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook."
-- Quentin Crisp

Absence of proof is not proof of absence.
-- Michael Crichton

"If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love."
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
-- Richard Nixon

"What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?"
-- Richard Nixon

Say what you like about me, but sometimes I wish that I were really rich and didn't have to work. And also handsome.
-- Dave George

I listen so that I may decipher the mystery of myself and become more whole.
-- Richard Moss

"Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy."
-- Richard M. Nixon

When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)

In art, as in no other form of endeavor, there is meaning apart from success.
-- Joseph Conrad

"All dogmas perish the thinking mind, especially ones you agree with."
-- Adam Richardson