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They say it's never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 am, I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed.-- Nathan Hansar
"Patriotism is an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."-- George Jean Nathan
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.-- Jonathan Swift
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
-- George Jean Nathan
"As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense."-- Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.-- Jonathan Swift
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
The greatest possible mint of style is to make the words absolutely disappear into the thought.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
A trial is a lot like gladiator combat. Except trials don't feature half-naked men in armor with swords and spears and those ball thingies at the ends of ropes. Well, okay -- the good trials do, but it doesn't happen often enough, if you ask me.-- Jonathan Colan
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
If the pen is mightier than the sword then how can actions speak louder than words?
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
'Impossible' tends to be an opinion rather than a fact.
"Television has lifted the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry."-- Nathalie Sarraute
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
Sometimes you have more perspective than the situation, sometimes the situation has more perspective than you.
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
More to be feared than ignorance is the pretense of knowledge.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think. (Ladies' Home Journal)