randomsearchproposestats
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"I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
-- Jerry Garcia
"I understand your question and the answer is 'You're thinking too hard.'"
-- Jose Garcia
"I'm a nymphomaniac of the heart."
-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
-- Jerry Seinfeld
Baby orang-otans look like surprised coconuts.
-- Terry Pratchett
"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."
-- Jane Siberry
If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.
-- Perry Farrell
"And then the world went mad. All right, madder."
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
-- Terry Pratchett
Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
-- Terry Pratchett ("The Colour of Magic")
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
-- Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)
"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it."
-- Wendell Berry
Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
-- Terry Pratchett
"Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned."
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
"Always be a 1st-rate version of yourself instead of a 2nd rate version of someone else."
-- Judy Garland
Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
Don't you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.
-- Terry Pratchett
This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
'He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.'
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
I try to make computers say things like "You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance".
-- Terry Pratchett
"A giant woman carrying a screaming ape up a tall building," sighed Dibbler.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away."
-- Barry Goldwater
It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's the weather for you.
-- Terry Pratchett (Good Omens)
The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy, but they were listening in gibberish.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
'If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.'
-- Terry Pratchett (concerning popcorn, Moving Pictures)
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
"See?" said the cat. "Give them an opposed thumb and they think they're something special."
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
-- Terry Pratchett
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
-- Donald Robert Perry Marquis
"He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was make things go splat."
-- Terry Pratchett (Reaper Man)
I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
If I heeded all the advice I've had over the years, I'ld have written 18 books about Rincewind.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine -- once.
Like the Borg, they learn...
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-- Terry Pratchett
For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
-- Terry Pratchett
The singing wasn't particularly good. The only word the singer appeared to know was "la," but she was making it work hard.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb--they're often students, for heaven's sake.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
I reckon that Stonehenge was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.
-- Terry Pratchett ("Equal Rites")
I'm sure we can arrange an academic scholarship for Detritus. Troll cheerleaers would be nice: 'Two... four.... er.. many... lots'.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
"The I.S.O. standard unit of female pulchritude is the milli-Helen. This is the amount of beauty capable of causing the launching of a single ship."
-- Terry Pratchett
"[The] human mind was like a compass. No matter how much you shook it up, no matter what happened to it, sooner or later it'd carry on pointing the same way."
-- Terry Pratchett (Johnny and the Dead)
Mort isn't fashionable UK movie material -- there's no parts in it for Hugh or Emma, it's not set in Sheffield, and no one shoves drugs up their bum...
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
She wanted a holiday in Australia, she said, and if I turned it into work she'd hit me--so I gave in, because I did not want to be beaten about the Bush.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
What you have here is an example of that well known phenomenon, A Bookshop Assistant Who Knows Buggerall But Won't Admit It (probably some kind of arts graduate).
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)