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I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan

You humans are all alike.

To err is human. And stupid.

"Patriotism is an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."
-- George Jean Nathan

It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant examples.
-- Charles Dickens

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.

-- George Jean Nathan

Is not that the nature of men and women--that the pleasure is in the learning of each other?

Never underestimate the human capacity for cognitive dissonance.

Love is like pi: natural, irrational and very important.
-- Lisa Hoffman

What is the nature of God? His nature is entirely dependent upon the age or culture that has reinvented him.
-- Solomon Skink

"All children are morbid. It is their one saving grace."
-- Truman Capote

"Truman's Law - If you can't convince them, confuse them."
-- Harry S. Truman

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."
-- Stephen Hawking

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-- Ingrid Bergman

"Did I love her? I thought so. But from my new vantage point I realize that love is nothing more than a messy conglomoration of need, desperation, fear of death, insecurity about penis size, and the self-involved, ego-driven need to college other people's hearts."
(Human Nature)

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease.
-- Voltaire

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
-- Helen Keller

"Paper has a genius for multiplication that cannot be equalled anywhere else in nature."
-- Hugh Keenleyside

On-line, adj: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.

To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer.
(Farmer's Almanac for 1978)

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
-- Harry S. Truman

The writer is the engineer of the human soul.
-- Joseph Stalin

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

"In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a therapist going to a therapist."
-- Truman Capote

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.
-- Robert Bly

It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.
-- Robert Park

"Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone."
-- Mark Twain

It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.
-- Blaise Pascal

"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."
-- Tori Amos

Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
-- William James

Every human being is capable of everything, no matter how exalted or depraved. Without twenty years of diligent domestication, it is in our nature to commit genocide, infanticide, and canabillism. And drink beer and howl at the moon.
-- Donna Barr ("Desert Peach: the Good Uncle")

Education, then, beyond all other devices of human origin, is the great machinery.
-- Horace Mann

Grasshoppotamus: A creature that can leap to tremendous heights, once.

"Here's a horrible thought: You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half the human race is even dumber than that..."

The unique operations of the (human) brain are the result of natural selection operating through the filter of culture. They have suspended us between the two antipodal ideals of nature and machine, forest and city, the natural and the artifactual, relentlessly seeking, in the words of geographer Yi-Fu Tuan, an equilibrium not of this world.
-- Edward O. Wilson ("Biophilia")

No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright

To err is human, to purr feline.
-- Robert Byrne

Human behavior changes only under the impact of new technology
(Paraphrase of Moon's First Law, from Schrodinger's Cat by R.A. Wilson)

"O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?"
-- Dante Alighieri

"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time."
-- George Orwell

"Until you meet an alien intelligence you will not know what it is to be human."

Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer.
-- Fred Brooks

"The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it."
-- P. B. Medawar

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
-- H. Allen Smith

"All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway."
-- Harry S. Truman

I was not born to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion. If a plant cannot live according to its nature, it dies; and so a man.
-- Henry David Thoreau

"If you are a human being, you might as well face it. You are going to rub a lot of people the wrong way."
-- Jane Wagner

"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground."
-- Thomas Jefferson

The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure.
-- Lyndon B Johnson

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss."
-- Noam Chomsky

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
-- John Cleese

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

"The most merciful thing in the world...is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."
-- H.P. Lovecraft

Anything invented before your fifteenth birthday is the order of nature. That's how it should be. Anything invented between your 15th and 35th birthday is new and exciting, and you might get a career there. Anything invented after that day, however, is against nature and should be prohibited.
-- Douglas Adams

It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.
-- Roger Noe

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr

"Some songwriters wash their dirty linen in public. Tori Amos dries hers there as well."
-- Nick Coleman (on Tori Amos)

Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as conscious selection. We will civilize and alter ourselves to suit our ideas of what we can be. Within one more human lifespan, we will have changed ourselves unrecognizably.
-- Greg Bear

Religion is probably, after sex, the second oldest resource which human beings have available to them for blowing their minds.
-- Susan Sontag

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all--the apathy of human beings.
-- Helen Keller

"Homo sapiens, the first truly free species, is about to decommission natural selection, the force that made us.... Soon we must look deep within ourselves and decide what we wish to become."
-- Edward O. Wilson

"She remains endearingly harebrained, keen to bewilder, reluctant to compromise, often hard to stomach, yet periodically magnificent. Just the way, it would seem, that nature intended."
-- Tom Doyle (on Tori Amos; in Q Magazine, January 1996)

"You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements."
-- Norman Douglas

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.
-- Alfred Kinsey

"The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards."
-- Anatole France

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it."
-- Stephen Butler Leacock

The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck me as rather silly. I would rather use them to mimic something better.
-- Edsger Dijkstra

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Rich Kulawiec

The human language is like a cracked kettle on which we beat out a tune for a dancing bear, when we hope with our music to move the stars.
-- Gustave Flaubert

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila."
-- Mitch Radcliffe

"I gave up trying to please others and started playing for myself, and because I love music, things naturally happened then. Funny how that works."
-- Tori Amos (Chicago Tribune, June 25, 1996)

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
-- Douglas Adams

While humans are very flexible creatures, we're born with a number of powerful instincts, which are found across all cultures. Chief amongst these are a dislike of snakes, a fear of falling, and a hatred of popup windows.

-- Steve Taylor

"Whatever sinks your boat, and gets you wet."
-- Andrew Harman

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman

To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, your're overdoing it.
-- J. Jenkins

Feature, n: A surprising property of a program. Occasionally documented. To call a property a feature sometimes means the author did not consider that case, and the program makes an unexpected, though not necessarily wrong response. See BUG. ``That's not a bug, it's a feature!'' A bug can be changed to a feature by documenting it.

The future ain't what it used to be.

I think an embryo/fetus/baby becomes a "person" when it is smarter than a non-primate like a dog. By those standards, chimpanzees and gorillas are persons (although somewhat cognitively impaired--kind of like Fundamentalist Christians), but human newborns are not.
-- Dave Touretzsky

If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.
-- Scott Fahlman

Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.
-- Harry S. Truman

"Our American professors like their literature clear, cold, pure and very dead."
-- Sinclair Lewis

"[The] human mind was like a compass. No matter how much you shook it up, no matter what happened to it, sooner or later it'd carry on pointing the same way."
-- Terry Pratchett (Johnny and the Dead)

"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals."
-- Henry Spencer

Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
-- Ogden Nash

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-- Abbie Hoffman

Glossofacilia: A tendency to use very large words to explain very small phenomena. Glossofacilia drives to complexify rather than simplify and is the natural instinct of reactionaries to an age of change.
-- Jim Taylor

A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.

"I do actually believe in love. I can't say that I'm 100 percent successful in that department, but I think it's one of the few worthwhile human experiences. It's cooler than anything I can think of right now."
-- Trent Reznor

Glamour is that indefinable something about a girl who has a large bosom.
-- Andy Rothman

Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.

"As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart."
-- Derek Jarman

Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods. They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.
-- Oscar Wilde

"That's a hell of an ambition, to be mellow. It's like wanting to be senile."
-- Randy Newman

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
-- Marilyn Pittman

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
-- J. von Neumann

When nothing else remains, one must scream. Silence is the ultimate crime against humanity.
-- Nadezhda Mandelstam

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
-- George Chapman

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

If a man carefully examines his thoughts, he will be surprised to find how much he lives in the future. His well-being is always ahead. Such a creature is probably immortal.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is possible to believe that all the past is but the beginning of a beginning, and that all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. It is possible to believe that all the human mind has ever accomplished is but the dream before the awakening.
-- H.G. Wells

The primary difference between a man and a woman is that a man gets his self-esteem when a woman says "yes" and a woman gets hers when she says "no".
(Amy's Orgasm)

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.

-- Ogden Nash

Every eighteen months, the minimum IQ needed to accidentally create a technology that could wipe out humanity drops by one point.
(Dyson's corollary to Moore's Law of Mad Science.)