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If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump to safety, but if you put that same frog in a pot of cold water and turn on the heat, it will stay and be scalded to death.
-- Everett Dirksen

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
-- Dick Cavett

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Why can't some people take a joke? Well, maybe because they're honest, and the joke doesn't belong to them.
-- Matt Diamond

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
-- Dick Cavett ("Playboy", 1971)