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Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?
-- Ellen Ripley (Aliens)

Traditionally, emotional and social problems have been judged as the moral shortcomings of an individual. Someone suffering from a psychiatric illness or an addiction is rarely viewed as a person who has a disorder or who is taxed by overwhelming circumstances. Instead the affliction is becomes a metaphor for a host of evils; it serves a testimony of the individual's unworthiness, a cause for condemnation.
-- Ellen L. Bassuk ("Scientific American", December 1991)

"She's a Grade A, Class One, Turbo-driven Fruitcake."
-- Barbara Ellen (on Tori Amos)

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
-- Woody Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-- Fred Allen

"I became insane, with long instances of horrible sanity."
-- Edgar Allen Poe

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
-- Woody Allen

Did you ever notice that 'love' spelled backwards is 'evil'? Well, not exactly, but it's still pretty scary.
-- Ben Bass

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
-- Fred Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
-- Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
-- Fred Allen (1894-1956)

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
-- Woody Allen (Without Feathers, 1976)

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
-- Ellen DeGeneres

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
-- H. Allen Smith

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
-- Woody Allen

College isn't the place to go for ideas.
-- Helen Keller

Ellen Ripley: Whenever he says anything, you say, "right," Brett. You know that?
Brett: Right.

(Alien)

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
-- Edgar Allen Poe

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith ("Let the Crabgrass Grow")

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen ("Without Feathers")

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
-- Helen Keller

Excellence is the trend of the '80s. Walk into any shopping mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as "Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence", "Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
-- Dave Barry ("In Search of Excellence")

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.
-- Aristotle

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all--the apathy of human beings.
-- Helen Keller

The more things change, the more they stay insane.
-- Tom Weller

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought"
-- Basho

"I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent."
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-- H. L. Mencken

"Legend -- a lie that has attained the dignity of age."
-- H. L. Mencken

All your base pairs are belong to us

The voters have spoken, the bastards...