randomsearchproposestats
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Can there be, when you think about it, a more improbable sentiment than 'Get fucked!'? We might as well snarl 'Make a lot of money!' or 'Have a nice day!'
-- Bill Bryson (The Mother Tongue)

For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless, and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.
-- Bill Bryson

Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies.
-- Bill Bulko

If you sat a monkey down in front of a keyboard, the first thing typed would be a UNIX command.
-- Bill Lye

I am Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
-- Bill Gates

Our families have values, but our government doesn't.
-- Bill Clinton (Democratic National Convention, 1992)

In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.

Recession: your friend loses his job. Depression: you lose your job. Recovery: Bush loses his job.
-- Bill Davidsen

Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
(A coffee cup)

The obvious mathematical breakthrough [to break modern encryption] would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers.
-- Bill Gates (The Road Ahead)

I told [my doctor] that I thought having an orgasm a day instead of hormone replacement therapy was more fun.
-- Cybill Shepard

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

"Warning: Prosecutors will be violated."
-- Rhonda R.

The experience of programming Windows vs the experience of programming NeXTStep is like going to the dentist and having a root canal without anaesthetic vs going to the dentist and having your gums cleaned with some nitrous oxide thrown in for the entertainment side of things.
-- Bill Bumgarner

"Be virtuous and you will be eccentric."
-- Mark Twain

'Truth' never set anyone free. It is only doubt which will bring mental emancipation.
-- Anton LaVey

"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour! This is what entertainment is all about... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes)

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

Inquiry is fatal to certainty.
-- Will Durant

Ah, twitter, where people will be deeply outraged for one to six hours, before forgetting forever.

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths."
-- Baroness Edith Summerskill

Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.
-- O'Neill

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will he will be sure to repent it.
-- Socrates