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"I am the very master of the multipurpose metaphor;
I put them into speeches which I always feel the better for.
The speed of my delivery is totally vehicular;
I'm burning with a passion about nothing in particular.
I'm well acquainted too with matters technological;
I'm able to explain myself in phrases tautological.
My language is poetical and full of hidden promises . . .
It's like the raging torrent of a thousand Dylan Thomases".

-- Alistair Beaton

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
(A coffee cup)

At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"

Fred Astaire: Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.

(Anonymous screen test)

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

'We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.'
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"God created sex. Priests created marriage."
-- Voltaire

"I see you in my dreams. Fair boy, your eyes haunt me..."
-- Tori Amos (Song for Eric)

"So you want a realistic, down-to-earth show that's off-the-wall and full of magical robots?"
(The Simpsons)

A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing what a McDonalds Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."
-- Voltaire

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
-- Voltaire

"Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."
-- Dorothy Parker

If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
-- Voltaire

X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.
-- Erik Fair

"Bitterness can eat you up, but it can't fuel you."
-- Benazir Bhutto

"I wanna hold your hand" -- The Beatles.
"I wanna fuck you like an animal" -- Nine Inch Nails.
30 years of rock 'n roll evolution.

The fact that I know I'm often a fool, but that I also have an IQ a fair bit over a hundred, scares me. What fools the rest of the world must be.

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease.
-- Voltaire

May your future be limited only by your dreams.
-- Christa McAuliffe

I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
-- Voltaire

And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords.
-- Alan Watts

"A sense of humor is the only thing that keeps intelligent people from hanging themselves."
-- Voltaire

Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.

Idle hands are the air guitar's playground
(Alas)

"To describe the beating of Egg Whites is almost as cheeky as advising how to lead a happy life."
-- The Joy of Cooking

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
-- Voltaire (1694-1778)