93 hits
"Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems."-- Homer Simpson
"So you want a realistic, down-to-earth show that's off-the-wall and full of magical robots?" (The Simpsons)
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.-- Homer Simpson
All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.-- Homer Simpson
"Making the simple complicated is easy. Making the complicated simple is brilliant."
I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it anymore, and what's it seems weird and scary.-- Abraham Simpson
We shame outselves for the sake of simplicity.
Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.-- Lisa (The Simpsons)
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.
"Conviction is a luxury for those on the sidelines."
Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it.
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
"Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers."
Ignorance simplifies any problem.-- R. Lucke
Sometimes you have more perspective than the situation, sometimes the situation has more perspective than you.
Microsoft: Re-inventing the square wheel.
Wreckless Driving -- You'd think that would be a good thing.-- Chris Sampson
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.-- Ed Howe
we make happen the stuff we fear will happen
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
The skin of civilization is only 7 meals thick
Grandpa: "I'm an old man, no one listens to me."
Lisa: "I'm a young girl, no one listens to me."
Homer: "I'm a white male aged 18 to 49, everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
*homer walks over to the cabinet and takes out a can labeled "Nuts and Gum: Together At Last"* (The Simpsons)
No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
If the brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't.
A dark past creates a long path back to the surface.
"If angst were a popsicle, I'd be suckin' the stick."
Music soothes the savage beast. ...unless it's polka.
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.-- Plato
Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery.
355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation.
Critics think that things should be done in good taste. Most people think that things should just taste good.-- Gene Simmons
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.-- Steven Wright
I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
Five-step methods are the surest sign of an uninspired plan.
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."-- Hunter S. Thompson
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
PMS, n: the short period of time when women act like men do all the time.
"Children are like TV sets. When they start acting weird, whack them across the eyes with a big rubber basketball shoe."-- Hunter S. Thompson
A winning formula can be obliterated simply by the change to an ingorant new manager.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, what happens when you run out of ink?
The sweetest of all sounds is praise.-- Xenophon
The loom works perfectly well without the steam powered wig darner and shortbread cutter stapled to the side.-- Peter da Silva
America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.
All New: The software is not compatible with any previous version.
The singing wasn't particularly good. The only word the singer appeared to know was "la," but she was making it work hard.-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.
I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.
On the sexes:
Brains times Beauty times Availability = Constant.
Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.-- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a dog-sled team; If you ain't the lead dog, the scene never changes.
God, as some cynic has said, is always on the side which has the best football coach.-- Heywood Broun
Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer.-- Fred Brooks
Gina: "Isn't it customary for the suspect to leave the scene of the crime?"
Debra: "Definitely an amateur" (Empire Records)
Insecurity is comparing our behind the scenes to others highlight reel.
If the pen is mightier than the sword then how can actions speak louder than words?
Manners are one of the truly lost causes.-- John Simon
The sun is like breasts - risky to look at unless you've got sunglasses.
Make the most of yourself, because that's all the self you are going to get, buster.
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."-- Lao-Tzu
After 16 years, MTV has finally completed its de-evolution into the shiny things network.-- The Onion
Stenderup's law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Lecture, n: Where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Steven Wright
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
The secret of happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.-- Albert Einstein
"Do not bend the spoon, instead realize the truth."
"The truth?"
"That the spoon effect will be added later by some sort of SGI workstation."
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.-- Kipling
"Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth."-- Mark Van Doren
"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street."
"You ever hear of the Spartans, Lewis? Ancient Greece...traditional enemies of the Athenians? They were a warrior society. I'll try to make it simple for you...they were Klingon." (The Rhipodon Society)
"If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd everytime, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side."-- Orson Scott Card
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.-- Goethe
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?-- Paul Simon
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled through the snow.
"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to be insane in such a useful way that they can't commit you."-- Mark Edwards
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Piety, n: Reverence for the Supreme Being, based on His supposed resemblance to man.
"Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived."-- Oscar Wilde